Feeling Angry and Frustrated With Your Partner? These Tips May Help

In a Christian marriage, our desire is to reflect Christ in the relationship. This goal can be our guide even in discussing expectations and disappointments in the marriage. Ephesians 4:15 states, "Speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ."

Many couples who come for therapy cite frustration with their partner as one of the major issues they face. This frustration usually stems from unmet expectations.

Expectations play a huge role in relationship satisfaction. Couples who are frustrated say things like ‘You weren’t very supportive of me when I quit my job to freelance’ or ‘You didn’t plan any special activity for our anniversary’. Constant frustration can lead to resentment and create an unhappy relationship.

Here are some practical tips to help you reduce frustration towards your partner.

1.    Communicate – Inform your partner of your expectations ahead of time. If you want them to text you more often, or take you on more dates, communicate this, explaining why it is important to you.

2.    Manage your expectations – Beyond the basic things that are necessary for a happy relationship, decide what’s really important to you and let go of some frivolous things. Managing expectations also helps you manage disappointments.

3.    Appreciate – Notice with gratitude the things your partner does for you. Appreciate your similarities and differences, and your gratitude will help you unlock contentment in your relationship.

4.    Accept your partner – Acceptance is key. Love your partner for who they are, not who you imagine them to be. Accepting your partner’s differences and peculiarities makes them feel safe and respected.

5.    Understand your partner – Understanding your partner’s personality and motivations could help you be less frustrated when they don’t meet expectations. For example, if they hate sports they’re probably not going to take the initiative to buy you tickets to see your favorite team play unless you’ve told them how important it is to you. Aim to understand your partner’s way of seeing the world.

6.    Learn to calm yourself – Controlling your emotions and response when your expectations aren’t met can make a significant difference in how conflict is resolved. Take out time to settle and soothe yourself before talking to your partner about disappointments.

Decide what expectations are important to you, and communicate them to your partner with truth and love.